An open letter for E.

I don’t watch movies anymore.

At first thought I wasn’t sure why, but talking to him tonight, now I know for certain.

It just brings me too much pain. I can’t stand the thought of love anymore. I don’t like the looks of it, I don’t like the sound of it, becuase thoes people holding hands laughing somewhere in the world aren’t us.

The way he would hold me and let me tears flow down his chest.
The way he would calm me with a simple ‘shh’.

The way he would text me just to see how I was doing becuase, alothough he would never admit it-not even to himself, I know that he felt the same way I did.

He loved me, and I him. 

And that is why it is so hard for me to read anymore. To allow myself to stare at the couple sitting beside me at a restaurant for a second longer than I should. Its just too painful to think that I had what I had been looking for and didn’t realize it.

So now with the distance and the pain always at the back of my head, I allow myself some time to reflect, because I know that I love you.

Thank you E  for being my rock, for helping me overcome the torment my mind puts me through as I remeber that night, and for showing me that love is full of irony and despair. I owe you my life. 

I will always love you
-Amber