For as long as I can remember anxiety has been part of me.. Or at least thats what I was told by my doctor.( Side note- doctors are great and all when it comes to flu season, but not all that helpful with emotions.. In my own experience) My first incounter with anxiety that is notable was when I was almost a year old. That was when I started biting my nails. And im not talking the stero-typical biting that happens in cartoons, I mean 24/7 cannot control it, impulisve reation, all day, every day . Yes- I am embaressed by it.
The only way I could decsribe it to my family and doctors was that it was like an addiction. I just could not stop. It was a way to escape all of my stressers, almost like a distraction from the chaos around me.
It wasn’t until I watched a video on Instagram where a woman was talking about her anxiety diagnoses that i realised I wasn’t alone and to top that, it wasn’t an addiction at all.
I have been prone to anxiety attacks since i started middle school which was over 8 years ago now. The worst was when I was in grade 9 and I forgot where I was, what my name is, where I lived etc. ect.
Remember how I told you that my doctor flat out stated that anxiety is part of my personality ( which by the way, I have come to realise is complete BS), well her words hit me hard smack dab in the face. What I took away from that appointment was a new bottle of pills- which i had been prescribed 4 times before that (and they never proved helpful) but also that my anxiety was me and visa versa. I should just give up, accept the fact that things will never get better, and thats just what I did.
Now enter a minipulative boyfriend and depression into that equation and you have me in 2015. I was a mess. Random outbursts, tears and more fights than I can count with my family. I was completly consumed by this intruder in my head telling me that I don’t belong here.
It wasn’t until I broke things off for the finale time with my ex that things started looking up for me. If you can take anything away from this long story, please know you will never change a toxic person, they will change you and not for the better.
I am still not completly over my anxiety, I do not think I ever will be to be honest, but things have gotten alot better. I still cannot sleep the night before I work my retail job becuase I have such bad social anxiety, but I can talk myself down which is defintly an improvement.
Some techniques that helped me talk myself out of an anxiety spell were;
- Deep breathing. This one might seem obvious but just focusing on your breathing and the rise and fall of you lungs in insanely soothing.
- Think postively. Again it is an obvious one but positive thoughts can be hard to conjure up, so just working on having a happy mindset can not only distract you but also bring you to a heathier place in your head.
- Don’t lay in bed thinking all day! If you are anything like me this one is HUGE. Going out and keeping yourself busy is so important for a healthy mindset. I have said it before and I will say it again, if there is nothing else you can do for your anxiety- distract yourself from it. Join a gym, write, draw, go for walks, paint, go shopping. The list goes on and on.
Please don’t get the wrong idea; I am not trying to bash doctors or say by any means that thinking positive is going to all of a sudden clear up all of your problems becuase we are human and it sure as hell will not. Sorry. If you are like me you may need to consult your doctor about possible metication if things are not seeming to fix themselves. When I went on anxiety meds , thats when I started feeling better and thinking positively started to become eaiser.
PSA: Please consult your doctor before you do anything. I am obviously not a doctor, I just want to share my experiences with anyone who is interested. If you are feeling depressed, anxious or suicidal please please PLEASE talk to someone you can trust to help you seek a professionals guidence.
Kinda long one so if you made it this far kudos! I love you! Thanks so much