An open letter for E.

I don’t watch movies anymore.

At first thought I wasn’t sure why, but talking to him tonight, now I know for certain.

It just brings me too much pain. I can’t stand the thought of love anymore. I don’t like the looks of it, I don’t like the sound of it, becuase thoes people holding hands laughing somewhere in the world aren’t us.

The way he would hold me and let me tears flow down his chest.
The way he would calm me with a simple ‘shh’.

The way he would text me just to see how I was doing becuase, alothough he would never admit it-not even to himself, I know that he felt the same way I did.

He loved me, and I him. 

And that is why it is so hard for me to read anymore. To allow myself to stare at the couple sitting beside me at a restaurant for a second longer than I should. Its just too painful to think that I had what I had been looking for and didn’t realize it.

So now with the distance and the pain always at the back of my head, I allow myself some time to reflect, because I know that I love you.

Thank you E  for being my rock, for helping me overcome the torment my mind puts me through as I remeber that night, and for showing me that love is full of irony and despair. I owe you my life. 

I will always love you
-Amber

Just a Teens Scars…

They all wonder why

I cry and sit in my room alone.

They tease and make fun

Of the woman I have become

But little do they know

That they are my foe

And the reason that caused me to be alone.
When you can never do anything right

So you hug your knees and cry at night

And bow your head and pray

That all their words will go away

Because you and the lord know 

They hurt you.
With all the yells and screams

You let yourself daydream

That someday they will see

Just how wrong they were to treat me

Like a sword peirced my heart

I show them my scars

Up and down my back

Their words, they attack

As blood drips down my face

Nothing can replace 

Thoes hurtful words they scream at me.